• "She took me to the edge of heaven, and then dropped me"
• "It would have all been alright if he had been nice to me afterwards"

submissive reminisces on two bad scenes.

"Oh, crap. I've got a meeting in 30 minutes. Bye."

Grand Prize for Worst Aftercare ever

Aftercare is the last act of the SM drama. It is the culmination, the pulling together of all loose ends, the finishing touches, the final communion between sharers of the SM ritual, the phase where the participants (usually the tops) formally give the fantasy scene a context in everyday reality.

It's technical purpose is to transition both players from the elevated states created in a scene back into normalcy, returning to the motor control and awareness they will need to drive home once the scene is over. But as any good SM practitioner will tell you, it's much more than that.

It is the time after the action when the participants come together in mutual affirmation that something special was created and shared. It is when affection and closeness is offered and sought. It is, at very least, the proper time to express thanks to the person who has shared this tiny segment of your life with you. It can be, and often is, the most beautiful part of a scene, and it is part of the scene. To skip it altogether is as rude as having dinner at a friend's house, and bolting once you've eaten your fill.

Aftercare is basic to the planning of any SM scene, especially for intense, edgy scenes where the participants go deep. Play that is physically heavy, intensely emotional, or improvisational, with lots of twists and turns, can leave your partner shaken, shaky, vulnerable and exposed, making it all the more crucial to guide them safely back to earth.

Some people, even after satisfying play, may experience "Crash": feelings of anxiety, exposure, embarrassment, guilt or emotional overload. In short, Crash is the SM equivalent to the post coital blues and how well you take care of your partner will say a great deal about what the scene really meant, whether it was just a quickie or a deep beautiful bond bringing you closer together as people.

Aftercare also allows some recovery if things didn't go as well as they could have. In a "broken" scene, sensitive, compassionate and intelligent aftercare is all that stands between you and a bad reputation.

Aftercare is especially important following:

• Scenes that are demanding and intense
• Scenes that involve new partners or new techniques
• Scenes that involve punishment, humiliation or intimations of nonconsensuality
• Scenes that result in tears, screams, orgasm or emotional release.
• Scenes that have been interrupted by an accident, injury, fainting or unseemly act of God.
• Scenes that have "gone bad" resulting in anger, or upset, or ending on a safeword (both top and bottom may well need/appreciate some reassurance if this happens)

The emotional afterglow following the SM fireworks is not unlike the post coital buzz following sex, and your actions and words will speak five times louder than normal. You can frame the scene beautifully with tenderness and respect, or blow it completely. And just as a perfectly executed single tail strike would be calamitously wrong if it followed a safe-word, a wonderful scene can be wrecked by inexpert, thoughtless or cavalier behavior once the "play phase" of the scene has ended.

Bad aftercare (a category including "No aftercare") can do damage that is basically incalculable. It can leave your partner feeling queasy, unsatisfied, or used, ruin an otherwise great scene, or damage the trust and affection your partner has in you if you are seen as arrogant, uncaring or clueless in that time of maximum tenderness and exposure. But if aftercare is done well it can double the impact of a good scene.

Aftercare can confirm that the scene just ended had meaning and the gifts of dominance and submission had value. It can attach the scene to the rest of your life in a way that it makes sense and is remembered as a good, validating experience, even if it hurt like hell!

Why aftercare is often done poorly

• As important as it is, precious little has been written about Aftercare in the SM texts currently in print, and at the time of writing, it tends to be overlooked in educational forums. In Black Rose, we did not prepare our first aftercare presentation until our twelfth year! This is an extraordinary omission, when you think about it, because, unlike even SM staples like flogging, aftercare is - or should be - part of every scene we do.

• Unlike many other play techniques, there are no standard methodologies for how to do aftercare. Different personalities, tools, techniques, play intensities demand different levels of intimacy, touching, and duration, and no single approach is ever guaranteed to work.

• In a party scenario, one, or both, players may be in a rush to move on to another scenes or may have a partner, or date, waiting for them.

• Because aftercare may be more physically intimate than the play phase of the scene, one or both players may not feel comfortable hugging and caressing a partner they feel happy to take a flogging from.

• Sheer ignorance: Many think the technical stuff concludes the scene is over, and have no idea how important aftercare is in making a good scene better. Bottoms are generally unaware that the top needs any support or gratitude when a scene has ended.

The good news is that aftercare can be easily improved achieved through adherence to one simple principal: Active concern and care for your partner. Most people don't regard a scene as empty pageantry, but as a genuine connection between the real you and the real them. Your behavior after a scene will dictate to a great extent how what the scene means to both of you. And the silver lining of aftercare is that caring action can salvage a weak, or broken scene, and make a potentially unpleasant experience worthwhile anyway.